why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize