I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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