non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
