Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
