So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
