just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
