You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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