This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Alive.
So much puke
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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