i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
