I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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