corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
