He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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