i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
