I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
