sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
