i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
