This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Randomize
