Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
