k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
