That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
