Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Randomize
