I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize