She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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