I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
