you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize