i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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