The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
