i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize