Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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