You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
