Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
