the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
