Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
