Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
