At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize