John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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