My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
