The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize