You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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