Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
