I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Randomize
