Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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