im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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