thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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