so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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