I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
