he puts the penis in happiness.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
