hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
