He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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