It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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