I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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