This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
