It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
