fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
