Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
