Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
