I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
