You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
