we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
