I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
