sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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