Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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