it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
