Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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