that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
