Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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