peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
