you turned your livingroom into a bong?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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