Got a toothbrush?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
