I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
