I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
