This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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